Herman Cain Will Call it Quits in 5, 4, 3…

I’m calling it. It’s over for Herman. Yesterday he said he’d continue on in the race if it was okay with his wife. That’ll take the blame off him. He can apologize to his supporters that he has to drop out, because of his wife, and at the same time put in a brave word for the importance of family as well. He also won’t pick up on the irony of his statements either. He never does. One of his greatest totally non-self-aware hits was when he said, “But I also know that we must be careful of extremists and we must be careful of the tendency by some groups in this country to infuse their beliefs into our laws and our culture.” That’s right. The man who wants to criminalize abortion with jail time for the women who get them is worried about infusing beliefs into law. “I believe homosexuality is a sin because I’m a Bible-believing Christian, I believe it’s a sin,” he said. I think that amalgamated Iron Age book of prescientific nonsense he has so much faith in also has a few things to say about adultery. It also has some things to say about helping the poor, and according to Cain, his adulteress accuser was, “out of work and destitute, desperate,” and that’s why he had to help her, but, of course, we wouldn’t want to do anything radical like infusing the belief that we should help the “out of work and destitute” into law. That’d be nuts!
Because poverty really is more about perception than reality. I see feel good new age quotes expressing that sentiment pop up in people’s status lines on Facebook all the time: “A person’s own happiness is not derived from the situation they’re in; but from the attitude they have.” And then there’s this one from the first First Lady, Martha Washington, “I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” These quotes are lies. Hunger is not an attitude. Thirst isn’t a disposition. Watching your children’s health fail, their teeth rot, their feet bleed in worn down shoes… with the right attitude you should be able to enjoy their misery. These may be happy lines for new age swindlers to sell their marks, but in reality, it’s the kind of message that plugs directly into the heartlessness of the right wing’s austerity movement. It might be the only smart thing Herman Cain ever said when he condemned people who “are heavily influenced by perception more so than reality.” It’s just too bad Herman wasn’t talking about himself. Sorry, Mr. Cain, but your lies were repeated plenty, but in the end, they weren’t as big or simple as they needed to be. When you need people to believe the lie, it has to appeal directly to them while simultaneously putting down others who are unlike them. You were doing it right with the homophobia, Islamophobia and schtick about Planned Parenthood wanting to kill black babies, but when you tell us you’re not a serial sexual harasser and that you haven’t been cheating on your wife with an impoverished bit of crumpet on the side, it gives us no red meat. There’s nobody to hate, and there’s really nothing for us to feel good about, except, of course, that soon we may never have to hear any of your inanities ever again.



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