I went to Palm Springs and took the aerial tram to the top of the mountain (near top). It was okay, but I almost missed it. I decided to get in a quick piss before boarding. I slipped away to the john, and as I was going in one of the tram workers said, “They’re boarding now, sir,” and I responded, “Yeah, yeah,” and went in and had my splash. I quickly returned to the waiting room, which, I was surprised to see, was empty. Everybody was on board. They had to open the doors back up just for me. Usually, you can’t herd a group of people that size (fifty to sixty of them, I’d guess) that quickly (under a minute). I didn’t really have to urinate, there was no pressure to, if you get me, but I didn’t know what was on the other end of the tram line. I figured it’d be the top of a fucking mountain, and there wouldn’t be shit or a place to put it, so I figured it was best to go even if I didn’t have to, but it turns out people take the tram to the top of the mountain just to get up there and sit down to a slice of four dollar pizza. It’s a full restaurant up there, and a full bar with two flat screen teevees… on a mountain. I decided to grab a pint and catch a bit of the Texans/Ravens game just to be in the spirit of the place. As I sat at the bar a fellow who’d hiked up the mountain sat down for a couple before taking the tram back down. The barmaid said he comes up the hard way about three times a week. That’s a real fucking mountain man, I thought, and sipped the beer straight down to my soft ass. There must be thousands of people each day tromping around up there, all out of shape, elderly, asthmatic, infants, smokers, drunks, screeching teenage girls and their lardy parents. If I was going to hike up a mountain, I think one with a continual stream of entitled tourists coming up to fart and eat chili wouldn’t be the one I’d choose, but then again, there’s a cold beer waiting at the top, and an easy way down that doesn’t involve falling. I suppose there’s a certain cheeriness to that thought when you’re about half way up and wishing for a ram to butt your behind back to the hell from which you’ve ascended because on the short list of repugnant American cities, I put Palm Springs up there along with that warty outgrowth known as Cathedral City, but judging by its demographics (skewed in the octogenarian direction) I’d guess Catheter City to be more appropriate, but I’m not going to get into that right now. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe that is, unless some Republican says something stupid to piss me off, but what are the odds on that? I don’t believe Vegas would take a bet against it.

Up bound tram going up


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