Judas Ephemera

Rat-visions of my sleep paralysis
scamper ‘cross my lover’s breasts
in waking dreams, I scream, break free
and bring down the fist like a hammer,
but awake she doesn’t
I am still trapped – frozen at the door
unable to close, agonized
creaking on hinges, forward and back
obtuse and acute
like the indecisive angulature of my brain
hamstrung on its journey out of the house
onward along the freeway
exiting against the driven force of my will
to check, aggravatingly,
on the non-burning burners,
and again, stalled on my way back out,
swinging like Judas, betrayed
by my head’s own crippled weakness
like the one perceived in my heart’s irregular beat
the numbness down the arm, shortness of breath,
awash in self-generated panic,
attacked as if by tooth gnashing rodentia
bearing in on the target
to bite and tear and nip
upon feeble-minded chemical accidents
I dodge and they race past
snapping at the spidery-legged clown smiles
hallucinating up my bed sheets
consuming the sick shambling things
of my automatic imagination,
running out the doors I am incapable to close
and burning in the blue forever fires
on my mentally haunted stove

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