Master Card

All I need to carry in a card
In the upper left: Process Immediately!
the exclamation isn’t directed at me
It’s screaming at some poor prodded puppy
in a dark room, buried under paper
envelopes, miles of sticky adhesive
sweaty fingers under powdered latex gloves
this is what they do in
Salt lake city UT 84130-9807
inflexible hours: sorting, sifting, piling high, weighing down
for the flexible earnings that work for me
it doesn’t get any better than this exclusive one time offer
and it’s mine
zero percent on this and zero down on that
and some restrictions may apply, but…
rewards without annual fees
it’s time to simplify my life
with credit cards
no more juggling balance transfers
get 1% off on that*
get 3% towards this*+
Everyone wants rewards and that’s money in my pocket
am I ready to say, “YES?”
to a card that offers a great rate
great head, or maybe just overhead
hurry, offer expires soon
with an introductory APR that’s APR-iffic!
receive a free welcome package
delivered to my door***
complimentary
reply by 12/12/2012
redeem cash
grace periods
take allowances
kick some ass
chew some gum
with the only card I’ll ever need
it’s different from other cards
three ways to be rewarded
rewarded with three ways
the smartest choice I can make
process immediately!
Answer all questions!
make necessary corrections!
Sincerely,
Athena A. Tracey

P.S.
would you like to add additional authorized users?

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