Better Off Dead

What if I just disappeared
ran away
left everything never to return
would it be so bad
the sorrow, the animosity
what’s the average time span mourning the dead
would it be so different
sudden inexplicable absence
versus
a corpse in hand
death and abandonment
one has got to be worse
all things being equal, except
there are no equals
anger is a palliative against grief
rage a restorative
and it’s unseemly to be wrathful
unto the dearly departed
but towards those whose departure
is decidedly un-dear
bloodshot slobbering vehemence
falls within an acceptable range
of emotional responses
what ultimate and lasting damage is done
by this metaphorical suicide
letting Jesus into your heart
and changing all its locks
to be born again, you die
you are altered
you leave behind your life
such a gross lack of discipline
to flee that who you are
to be something else
self-absolution of responsibility
for all you have done
forgiven
by the mad munching of magical crackers
for me
this finding of God is betrayal
my fury justified
for those who choose this lazy path
nothing but my utmost disdain
to re-ask the original question
what if I left
ran away never to return
all things not being equal
I’d rather be fucking dead, deservedly

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