Who I Was

I drew what I wanted to be and not reality
the rendering in crayon is crude
large swathes of single colors
stick figures
at the head it says
“A Picture of Ricky’s Family Done in Kindergarten”
and in a different hand
in the upper right corner: “1977”
my parents and I are camping
we never camped
a large bonfire is burning
we never had fires
all of us hold fishing poles
I was never taken fishing
but strangely
I don’t remember ever wanting to
wanting to camp
wanting to fish
wanting to build a fire
mostly, what I do remember of those things
is not liking those things
not wanting to do them
my Grandfather made me fish
he loved it and he loved fishing with me
but I did it for love of him
so you see
it took awhile to figure it out
I didn’t draw what I wanted to be
I drew what was expected of me
a lie about my family
a lie about a family reality
one teachers and peers would smile upon
approve of
I played to the audience
somewhere along the way I lost that ability
and now I’m me
barely able to remember who I was

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