Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

Into History Please Pass Fast

August 2, 2017

When in a moment
I do not mind for it to last
but as the time draws near
I desire it to pass
quickly into memory
the will to begin
weakens under the need
to be finished
every day, every season
every party, every holiday
I want to be over
before it’s begun
to be finally
done with it
nerves calm again
anxiety returned
to its standard
semi-manageable level
nothing left
to look forward to
in dread
storm off the coast, bearing down
rising tide, surging inland
winds snapping sharp, bubbling
inbound coming terror
now a dampened ruin, rubble strewn
slowly drying out
in the relaxing warmth
of reminiscence

A Pleasant Stroll on a Sunny Day

March 1, 2017

A perfect walk
is a walk on which
I walk by
no one
no one to greet
or not greet
no one to
make me choose
“hello” or “hi”
“good morning” or “good afternoon”
no one to make me feel
shame in my silence
unspeaking, unable
unfriendly as we pass
no one to make me hear
my voice

A perfect walk
is a walk on which
I do not exist
on which I am no one
passing along the side
walks unseen
a ghost
with aching knees
and quiet anxiety

Judas Ephemera

October 31, 2012

Rat-visions of my sleep paralysis
scamper ‘cross my lover’s breasts
in waking dreams, I scream, break free
and bring down the fist like a hammer,
but awake she doesn’t
I am still trapped – frozen at the door
unable to close, agonized
creaking on hinges, forward and back
obtuse and acute
like the indecisive angulature of my brain
hamstrung on its journey out of the house
onward along the freeway
exiting against the driven force of my will
to check, aggravatingly,
on the non-burning burners,
and again, stalled on my way back out,
swinging like Judas, betrayed
by my head’s own crippled weakness
like the one perceived in my heart’s irregular beat
the numbness down the arm, shortness of breath,
awash in self-generated panic,
attacked as if by tooth gnashing rodentia
bearing in on the target
to bite and tear and nip
upon feeble-minded chemical accidents
I dodge and they race past
snapping at the spidery-legged clown smiles
hallucinating up my bed sheets
consuming the sick shambling things
of my automatic imagination,
running out the doors I am incapable to close
and burning in the blue forever fires
on my mentally haunted stove