Archive for February, 2012

Birthday Punk

February 28, 2012

It’s Kirsten’s from Naked Aggression.

Naked Aggression playing at Köpi in Germany. I miss those squats: the people, the dogs, the meals, the beers, the music, the smoke hanging in the air, the fetid mattresses, night sweats, food poisoning… perhaps not those last three, and the food poisoning came from a slice of 7-11 pizza, not a squat kitchen as luck would have it. They keep their kitchen’s clean… wish I could say the same for the 7-11 pizza heating torture racks.

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Karl Hungus vs. the Sad Clowns of the Religious Right

February 27, 2012

Santorum continues in his anti-education jihad. “President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob,” he said. “That’s why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image. I want to create jobs so people can remake their children into their image, not his.”

What a wise decision it is to raise children in a total vacuum where they’ll never be exposed to anything contrary to the beliefs of their parents.  Raise them in a vacuum, and do not be surprised by the vacuous results.  That’s the thing about religious sorts I get very confused about.  Everyday I walk by churches.  Weekly, I am presented with a leaflet telling me about my soul and how it is very likely destined for hell, unless…  I live in a country full of Christians sticking fish to their bumpers and wearing crosses, but it doesn’t cause me to get the vapors and retire to my fainting couch, but for many of the religious the slightly vocal existence of anyone who doesn’t believe as they do and doesn’t respect their iron age goat herder’s bullshit is an absolute affront, an anathema that sends them into histrionic fits and near fatal convulsions as their faces redden and voices raise in indignation.  They are ill-suited to defend their fairy tales because their fairy tales are ill-suited to defense.  What they believe is illogical, evidence-free tripe, and I find myself, as a new father, more inclined to mock their idiocy than ever before in order to inoculate my son against their childish fantasies and to demonstrate to him the healthy mockery the religious deserve.  I have to say, I’m glad Santorum’s out there painting a clear picture in bold strokes of how the atavistic Christian mind works.  They fear education and learning because they have so little faith in their faith.  They know their hatreds and bigotries don’t hold up to scrutiny, and in their fear they will endeavor to keep their children ignorant and frightened, to shield them from the rest of the world, to keep them down on the farm, well away from the influence of Karl Hungus.  Also, Obama’s image is so very, very scary because it is black.

True Christians

February 26, 2012

Rick Santorum, like many Christians, isn’t a big fan of his fellow Christians when those other Christians don’t believe exactly the same things his brand of Christianity believes.  He said, “we look at the shape of mainline Protestantism in this country and it is a shambles, it is gone from the world of Christianity as I see it.”  If you wonder what the problem is with mainline Protestantism as Santorum sees it, it’s that they tend not to be biblical literalists who think the world is 6,000 years old.  They tend not to be screamingly homophobic misogynists who think birth control is a gateway to Hell.  None of this is to say that they don’t accept most of the loony-tunes shit Santorum does.  They do believe Jesus is the son of God and that he was nailed to a cross in order to redeem the sins of man.  All of this happened over 2,000 ago, and the world so far is empirically none the better for it, but that doesn’t stop Super Duper Christians and pansy Protestants from keeping on believing.  I do enjoy seeing Christians attack one another for their beliefs.  I love the hand-wringing over Mormonism we’ve seen from the Republican base.  I like to hear one Christian condemn another for not being Christian enough.  It’s a jolly good fuck of a show, and really, it’s what that whole separation of church and state thing was about in the first place.  There is no such thing as a pure Christian faith… there is not now and there never was.  It’s all open to interpretation, and people have been putting their own spin on Bible passages for a few millennia now.  Therefore, if you make laws directly based Christianity, then those laws will be based on one man’s particular interpretation of the Bible or St. Augustine or the Pope or whatever the fuck.  Even, mega-Catholic Rick Santorum, who we must all agree is our preeminent Biblical scholar, doesn’t agree with the Pope on every issue (including: evolution, torture, the death penalty, health care, minimum wage increase, immigration… well just take a look here), and although this should be seen as heretical and get his ass excommunicated, for some reason he’s still loping about, dragging his knuckles and pretending to be a Papal loyalist.  So, if Santorum makes the laws based on Christianity, those laws would be radically different from the ones the Pope would make and different still from the ones a Southern Baptist would make or a Unitarian Universalist.  The fact is, the Bible is full of hypocrisy, contradiction and out right evil masquerading as morality.  That precious book of sick iron age fantasies is not a good guide for living life in the technological 21st century, but since there’s so much disagreement about what constitutes a true Christian, I’d like to jump into the fray, and go on the record.  Here’s the record, I think it’s Kool and the Gang, the only true Christian is one who has been baptized, and the baptism must be full submersion, and the full submersion must be for a duration of not less than one half an hour.  Anybody who hasn’t undergone the sacrament of the half hour full submersion baptism is a false Christian, and they’re just going to have to deal with it.

More Basic Hostility Towards Everything

February 25, 2012

On the one hand I have the Dalai Lama’s status update telling me that education without warmheartednesss (as if that’s even a word) leads to negativity, which, frankly, is something I think the Dalai Lama could be accused of.  I think it’s highly negative to spend ones entire adult life faking at spiritual piety while whining the whole time about losing his country.  You know how many people lost their countries?  The answer is both lots and very few.  If you lost a country, then I’d say you’re one lucky fucker.  If only Saddam Hussein hadn’t been hung in such a perfunctory fashion, then maybe he could have bitched and moaned and made like a spiritual goon his whole life acquiring loads of hypocritical liberal support.  And then on the other hand I see a comment that goes something like, “There is beauty in everything if you just take the time to look for it!”  That’s the kind of comment I see on Facebook that just makes me want to kill.  I want to show the poster his own fucking guts and ask him to show me the beauty in his disembowelment.  What asinine feel good bullshit.  We live in a world of more ugliness and horror than beauty, and taking time out to look for the beauty in child rape and self-mutilation and drug addiction isn’t going to make it magically appear because those things are never beautiful and neither is anybody who suggests they might be.  Man, the fucking internet really pisses me off sometimes.  Wait, no, it’s not the internet, it’s the people using the thing.  Using this wonder of science to unload primitive spiritual goo and aesthetic philosophies that would make any non-fascist shudder.

Birthday Pulling

February 24, 2012

It’s the hilarious Rebekah Staton’s birthday today. Pulling has been recently pulled from Netflix instant, but the DVDs are cheap at Amazon. This clip is from the special, which isn’t available on DVD.

Creeping Death

February 23, 2012

There’s a little over a month left in my 30’s for me to live.  After that, it’s the forties and onward.  As this time approaches, I’ve taken a catalogued look at my physical and mental state of being.  I am without doubt persistently over caffeinated, and probably too often drunk.  I have managed to cease smoking, but I haven’t given up nicotine.  I puff away on my little steam-ship e-fags now.  OCD tendencies have been on the rise.  I don’t have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, there’re people who have that bad, and in no way am I going to take any light off their derangement, but I do have problematic irritations.  Let’s say I have OCN: obsessive-compulsive nuisances.  It is to proper horrifying OCD what schizotypy personalities are to schizophrenics.  The biggest nuisance is closing doors.  For any door that has a lock, I practically have to scream at myself to just close the fucking thing.  Man, that’s a nuisance.  And then there’s that typical stove burner shit.  I don’t get why I have that.  It strikes fairly randomly too.  I’ve returned home after getting a few miles down the freeway to check on the things.  That was a nuisance.  Sometimes I’ll tell myself, you’re crazy.  Just let the god damn house burn down.  What have you got in there anyway?  And that relieves the worry some.

I’ve had a few tangoes with sleep paralysis.  I didn’t know what that was at first, which was stupid because I did know all about it.  Luckily, no aliens have tried abducting me, but rats have tried scurrying up to my face for a nibble (dream rats).  I even broke paralysis once and smacked my wife pretty hard to kill one of those rats, but what was remarkable was she didn’t wake up or feel a thing, which I take to mean that even the swat was part of the waking dream.

Panic attacks are fairly normal, although now that I recognize them for what they are, I can reason them away and begin breathing normally, and get my heart to stop pretending it’s going into arrest.  I have lots of sudden and unexplainable sharp pains that flare rapidly up and then die quickly down.  This can happen anywhere on my body from the chest to the foot to the temple to the guts.  It might be part of the panic attacks.  When I get nervous driving I become convinced my appendix is exploding.

And I wouldn’t want to forget about the hallucinations.  They usually involve spiders in the corners of my vision.  They can also involve a dog’s bark sounding electronic, and like it’s speaking to me in a kind of Stephen Hawkings-esque English.

On the upside, my last physical report had me in good standing so I guess I’m not falling apart physically although I do have this disturbing thing that looks like a very tiny dick growing out of my lower left eyelid.  I’m thinking about taking it off using a fingernail clippers.  I’m uncertain as to the wisdom of that move, however.  My teeth have suffered some recently.  I went thirty-nine years of my life without a cavity, and then suddenly… six of the bastarding blights.  But those have been taken care of.  So this then is where I stand as I head into the last month of an age that won’t begin with the letter “F” for the next two decades.  I think it’s looking pretty bright.

Rape Panels and Prenatal Care

February 20, 2012

Women in Virginia in need of an abortion now face the Republican rape panels before they can get a routine medical procedure.  This is typical of small government Republicans.  The government should be recruited into forcing women to undergo an unnecessary vaginal penetration, but it shouldn’t hand out food stamps.  You have this on one side: the government will attempt to shame you by shoving a trans-vaginal ultrasound wand up your cunt for no reason whatsoever.  And then on the other Santorum covered hand they are against prenatal screening for women who fully intend to give birth.  The Republican fear is that if the prenatal screening shows that the baby will be horribly deformed, then some women will choose to terminate the pregnancy.  If this had been a law when my wife and I decided to have a kid, then we never would have.  The amniocentesis showed that we wouldn’t be bringing a chromosomally damaged human into the world, a thing I had absolutely no intention of doing, but the Republican masters don’t care.  They’re all fucking rich and when they give birth to deformed and diseased babies, then they’ll just have their armies of nannies take care of the things.  Abortion isn’t an issue for the rich.  There’s never a concern of another mouth to feed or of the high biological cost of raising a child – especially one with special needs – because they have servants to do that shit for them.  The sudden unexpected burden of raising a special needs child can tear a family apart… You know, families, those things Republicans say they care so much for.  My biological energies are limited, and I didn’t want to spend them on a such a child.  There are those who choose to, and they’re certainly built of more caring, sterner and nurturing stock than I.  So if Santorum had his way, then I wouldn’t have had a child.  Or would I have?  Perhaps the theocrat would have banned vasectomies because the pope trumps America’s laws every time.

Audubon Society Dropout

February 18, 2012

I was at the Los Angeles zoo today, and looking in a cage at a couple of Greater Roadrunners (no lesser little shits for my eyes) when a woman and her daughter walked up to take a gander into the avian enclosure.  “Momma, what are those birds?” the young girl asked enthusiastically.  Her mother gave it some thought, studying the animals closely, and concluded, “I think they’re owls.”  This has been a true story.  God bless America.

Abolish All Laws While Your’e At It… Except The Ones That Take Away The Rights Of Women And Queers

February 14, 2012

New Hampshire Republicans Propose Bill to Eliminate Workers’ Lunch Breaks

“This is an unneeded law,” [Republican state Representative Kyle Jones] said. “If I was to deny one of my employees a break, I would be in a very bad position with the company’s human resources representative. If you consider that this is a very easy law to follow in that everyone already does it, then why do we need it? Our constituents have already proven that they have enough common sense to do this on their own.”

Brilliant fucking logic. Everybody knows murder is wrong and if I murdered my neighbor, then I would be in a very bad position with my other neighbors. It’s easy not to murder anyone so why does it need to be a law? U.S. citizens have already proven they have enough common sense not to run off on kill crazy rampages!

No more laws! Let common sense prevail! Anarchy is here! The masks worn by these Republican monsters keep dropping and exposing something truly hideous underneath. What they want is nothing more than the total destruction of the United States’ government, and what is the United States then? No more, that’s what. These people are dangerous anarchists of the worst kind, and this will not end until we are all in chains.

Driving Me Nuts

February 13, 2012

I was trying to think like peanut butter. If peanut butter was going to be somewhere, then where the fuck would it/I be? Where in God’s name do these people put the peanut butter? Has it really come to this? I have to think like peanut butter to find peanut butter? We’re out at home. I need to find it. I have my extra thick cut bacon, but where in the… Where would I go, logically? Peanut butter seems more like a breakfast item than anything else. All the other manufactured highly processed breakfast items are together: cereal, pop tarts, hot cocoa, coffee, tea… but no peanut butter and no jelly. I check the canned food section. It seems unlikely I’d hide amongst the tomato sauces, but why not… no possibilities should be discounted. I walk up and down every aisle, even the ones with no food or only pet food because by this point I’m freaking out, and want to leave the store, but I won’t go without the peanut butter. It’s nowhere. They didn’t give it an aisle. I discovered by chance that it was kept next to the bread, which makes some sense, but bread isn’t down an aisle, it’s off by itself with the peanut butter and jam. Peanut butter is wily and elusive prey. Either that or I am a shit hunter. It doesn’t help either that I don’t buy bread. Fucking nuts. This is all Obama’s fault!